Wednesday, 7 August 2013

Today was just plain awful  I don't even know where to begin. When the day started things were just really awkward and I didn't even know how to approach him so I just hid in the project room and slept for awhile until more people came.

For today's celebrations it was pretty cool and all and our whole class went to the JC side and whatnot. After the somewhat cool heli-cam shot, our class went to the canteen to queue up for food while I went with a small group of friends to buy cotton candy. As we nommed our food and happily went into the sports hall to "lepak", I noticed as he came somewhat later when it was nearly time for everyone to gather and watch the remaining events. Although we both exchanged awkward glances it was pretty clear that there was this invisible barrier which prevented any of us from doing anything. And yet all this while I hoped that things would remain passive and stay the way they were with God's help and that I could change in time.

Yet when I came home, all I got was a rude shock. To cut things short, he cut our friendship off just like that in one Facebook message. At that moment I was simply lost for words. After the ordeal yesterday, it felt like we might still be friends again but something would forever remain lost in the abyss of nothingness. It was as if there was still hope of redemption even though things would never be the exact same again. And yet here I am now with a dear friend going further away into the distance and it hurts so bad. It hurts when I think of how I have let him down and it hurts even more when I know what he thought of me. It feels as if one of the foundations of my precious world is collapsing right before my eyes and I struggle frantically to try to mend it but to no avail. I don't even know what I can do right now as I feel the gap increasing with each moment spent doing nothing. We were such good friends and while I might do my best to make peace with him as soon as possible, I no longer feel qualified to do such a thing anymore.   It feels as though both of us are so close yet so far apart and I feel absolutely awful about this whole matter.  I just hope that over this long weekend and with God's grace, we can tide through this and become stronger. As for now, I feel completely drained and exhausted and I just don't know what to do anymore. 

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